My thoughts on turning 20
So... I'm turning 20, in exactly a week, and recently that has been playing on my mind. Ever since I was little, I loved my birthday; who doesn't love presents and cards and being legally allowed to do a whole lot of new things? But for some reason, this year doesn't feel as sweet as it used to. Without being too sappy, I think if I don't talk about my feelings then I might go clinically insane.
For whatever reason, human beings feel the need to break down their lives into sections of time; you're a baby, then a toddler, you start school, then college and then uni, you get a job, maybe a career, you meet someone, then you get married, you have children, you grow old, you retire, you die. Is that not strange? It seems as though no one can live a day without having to be aware of their future and whatever their next step is. Of course, planning for the future isn't a terrible idea, it just seems daunting.
Something about turning 20 makes my skin itch. It feels like my teenage years have lasted forever, and I've changed so much over that time. Something about not being a teenager anymore makes me heavily nostalgic, despite it being a literal one year difference. It's just scary, isn't it? 20. No longer 19, but 20. It's as though I feel like I can't eat nutella straight from the jar or get drunk and wee between two wheelie bins anymore.
There's something me and an old friend used to talk about when we were younger, and that's our placement in the universe. I know, it sounds stupid, and maybe it is, but to us it was a serious issue, and it still haunts me sometimes. There's a certain hollow feeling I get in my chest when I think about it; what am I doing with my life? Am I just wasting time doing nothing? Where will I be in 5 years time? I feel like I spend more time panicking about wasting time than actually doing anything so that I'm not wasting time.
I think the scariest thing is that people call your late teens/early twenties the best years of your life. Who can live up to that much pressure? When I take a step back, I can understand it; I have an education, I live with my friends, I have a lot of good times to look back on. So, why do I feel like this? Maybe the fear that I'm not spending the 'best years of my life' happy enough is actually the reason they don't seem like the best years of my life? Or maybe, there's no such thing. Maybe the best years of your life aren't in a sequence, but they're built up of all the good memories you have over your lifetime.
I think all I need is to listen to my own advice; there's nothing scary about growing older. It just means another year to be grateful for. In truth, I'm excited to be 20 and learn more about myself. I suppose there's things worse than turning 20, like turning 30.
For whatever reason, human beings feel the need to break down their lives into sections of time; you're a baby, then a toddler, you start school, then college and then uni, you get a job, maybe a career, you meet someone, then you get married, you have children, you grow old, you retire, you die. Is that not strange? It seems as though no one can live a day without having to be aware of their future and whatever their next step is. Of course, planning for the future isn't a terrible idea, it just seems daunting.
Something about turning 20 makes my skin itch. It feels like my teenage years have lasted forever, and I've changed so much over that time. Something about not being a teenager anymore makes me heavily nostalgic, despite it being a literal one year difference. It's just scary, isn't it? 20. No longer 19, but 20. It's as though I feel like I can't eat nutella straight from the jar or get drunk and wee between two wheelie bins anymore.
There's something me and an old friend used to talk about when we were younger, and that's our placement in the universe. I know, it sounds stupid, and maybe it is, but to us it was a serious issue, and it still haunts me sometimes. There's a certain hollow feeling I get in my chest when I think about it; what am I doing with my life? Am I just wasting time doing nothing? Where will I be in 5 years time? I feel like I spend more time panicking about wasting time than actually doing anything so that I'm not wasting time.
I think the scariest thing is that people call your late teens/early twenties the best years of your life. Who can live up to that much pressure? When I take a step back, I can understand it; I have an education, I live with my friends, I have a lot of good times to look back on. So, why do I feel like this? Maybe the fear that I'm not spending the 'best years of my life' happy enough is actually the reason they don't seem like the best years of my life? Or maybe, there's no such thing. Maybe the best years of your life aren't in a sequence, but they're built up of all the good memories you have over your lifetime.
I think all I need is to listen to my own advice; there's nothing scary about growing older. It just means another year to be grateful for. In truth, I'm excited to be 20 and learn more about myself. I suppose there's things worse than turning 20, like turning 30.
Made me laugh! So true, we all secretly have these thoughts, very thoughtful piece!
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