I am a writer

I was told by someone recently that I should stop referring to myself as a student who likes to write, but as a writer, who studies English. While it is a nice idea, the thought of actually calling myself a writer is terrifying. Because that means you have to be good at it. You don't expect someone to say 'I'm a footballer' and then be terrible at football and spend every game on the bench. You're not a footballer then, are you? You're a bench warmer. But I think it's more about manifesting what you want to be, and then that's what you are. So for the sake of it: I'm a writer.

My problem with this, however, is that on telling someone I am a writer, I am expected to prove it. Of course, a footballer isn't expected to just pop out a cheeky slide tackle to prove their talents. Yet whenever there is a task that requires any level of creativity, or something involving words, I am expected to perform, because I am a writer after all. 

And even if I were to prove it; how the fuck do I go about that? I have never published a book, nor have I actually put together a suitable portfolio of my work. All I have is bursts of ideas on the notes pages on my phone and then this blog where I dump anything of value. And when I look at it, I hate everything I've written on here. If I think about my abilities, I know I'm a good writer. But when I look at my writing, I feel like it was written by someone who has never visited earth and doesn't have a functioning brain. 

God forbid any future employers look at this blog and believe this is my level of writing, but unfortunately this is all I have to offer. To be fair, this blog is linked at the bottom of my CV, so somebody could be reading this right now. Um... if you're an employer reading this, I promise I can write good English words writing good. I swear. 

Sometimes I feel my ideas build up inside me until I get a burning sensation in my chest that I feel like I'm going to drown in, and then I start writing and I feel like I'm writing possibly the best thing that anybody has ever written ever. Then I read it back and I want to pour acid into my eyes, because how dare I write that and then call myself a writer.

Is this a common feeling amongst writers? Am I afflicted to constantly doubt myself and my abilities but also have to prove to everyone that I am actually talented enough to make a career out of this skill? Or am I going insane? The terrifying thing is I'm only 20 years old. If I live to 80, am I going to feel this useless for 60 more years? Wouldn't life be so much easier if I was good at maths?